Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
