She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
