yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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