So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
