Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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