is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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