I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
