I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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