Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You made out with two different species that night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
