I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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