I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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