Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
