the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
