what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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