A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
