Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
