THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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