p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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