If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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