Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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