So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
