dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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