I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
