these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
