belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
