just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
