Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
