My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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