Will you blow on my dice?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
