My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just fell off a train. Bad.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
