She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
