I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
