My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
