The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
