Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
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