I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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