Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
we should paint friendship bongs
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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