Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
