This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
