my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
