i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
