fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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