i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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