I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
