When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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