I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
