Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
