Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This toilet bowl is my home.
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