Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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