Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
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HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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