just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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