dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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