I just made out with a guy for $7.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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