Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
