hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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