Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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