My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
