awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
