Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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