I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
