Fuck appropriateness.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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