So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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