I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
