I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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