Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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